Was I born as a result of rape
Born of rape
You may have thought, “Why don't I know my father? Who is he?” You may have asked your mother this question in the past, and have never received an answer. You assume that this is a difficult question for her. She never talks about it, and maybe you think something happened between them.
You can read a lot about sexual violence on social media nowadays. Sometimes a woman gets pregnant when forced to have sex with a man. Maybe that's what happened to your mother, and maybe you were born as a result.
On this website you can read about how to talk to your mother about this and what could help you feel better in the end.
Keep a notebook on you during the day, or use your phone. Write down every worry that comes up. Simply write it down and then get on with your day. It is important that your notes are safely stored, only to be seen by you. Does the same thought come to mind again? Think to yourself: STOP, I have written it down and will think about it later.
Plan a set moment every day to sit on your own, in a quiet place. Use the timer on your phone or watch. Take 15 minutes to read what you wrote during the day. Think about the statements or questions you've written while listening to music. Write down any thoughts that come up about it. Think about who you could discuss it with later. Do something you like after the 15 minutes are up. It is important to do this every day. You will notice the worrying thoughts diminishing.
If you worry too much or if you feel that you are not in charge of your emotions, it is good to ask for help.
On one side of a sheet of paper, draw a large sun with rays of sunlight and on the other side a dark cloud. Under the sun, draw everything that makes you happy. Under the cloud, draw anything that makes you sad or angry. Keep your drawing in a safe place. Look at your drawing again later. Maybe you can add another drawing to it?
Broaching the subject
If you have important questions about your origins, and you want to talk about it, it may be a good idea to start by writing a letter about what you want to say or ask. The letter can help you keep an overview of your questions while talking to each other. You could ask someone to read it before you give the letter to your mother. The important thing is that you and your mother both trust this person.
If you feel ready to broach the subject, choose a moment when your mother really has the time to talk. Tell her about your thoughts. And how it feels not knowing your father. Take out your letter and read it or let your mother read it herself. Maybe it helps to ask the person who helped you write the letter to join you during this conversation. They may be able to help if you don't know what to say.
In the documentary ‘Letter from my child’, Shakya writes a letter to his mother. Shayka was also born as a result of rape. View this documentary via the following link: https://www.npostart.nl/brief-van-mijn-kind/21-08- 2011/POW_00381146
Video: Beugel, I. (Director). (2011). Letter from my child. IKON.
Write a letter (to your mother) like Shakya did in the documentary.
Not much of a writer? You can also record a video in which you ask your questions and talk about your thoughts and feelings. Make sure that only you and someone you trust can see the letter or the video! It's meant for your mother, not for the rest of the world.