Do I look like my father?

Who is my father?

Have you spoken to your mother about your father? (look at the page Broaching the subject). You may now be certain that you were born as a result of sexual contact that your mother did not want. It is difficult to know: Your father hurt your mother.

"The hardest thing to me is that I don't know my father... Did he hurt my mother? Is he a bad person? Do I look like him? Am I a bad person too? I want to study nursing or medicine later. So I can do something good for people. Does my father have any good sides? Do I have good sides? Maybe my father is also a doctor... If I ever meet him, will he know I'm his son? I have so many questions and I may never get an answer."

Boy, 16 years old

You may have a lot of different thoughts and feelings. For example, many young people think: “Does my mother love me? What kind of man is my father? Does he know I exist? Do I look like him?” You can't find an answer to all your questions. It's also sad: you may never meet your father. Try writing down your questions. If you want, you can discuss these with your mother or someone else you trust.

Exercise

A safe place for your question

On three separate pieces of paper, write down the three questions you would most like to ask your mother. Maybe there are some questions you'd like to ask your father. Use pieces of paper in a different colour for these. Keep them in a box and write on the lid: ‘3 important questions’. Keep the box in a place that only you know. When you want to ask your three questions, take out the box and put it on the table between you. Open the lid, take out the questions one by one and ask your important questions. You can also keep the questions to yourself; only you decide what you want to do with them.

You are you

Take the time to get to know and understand your thoughts and feelings better. But don't forget to give some attention to yourself and your life NOW. And to your future. You are you. You're not your history, and your history doesn't determine everything. Even if, for example, you have certain (external) characteristics of your father. The way you live now, and all the difficult and fun things that come with it, also make you who you are now and how you want to be.

If you want to find out more about who you are, check out the page You are good the way you are.

Exercise

A sneak preview of my life

Use your phone to make a movie of your life. What does your daily life look like and what are your thoughts and feelings about it? In your film, show what and who are important to you.

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