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YOU are good the way you are!


Identity... What is identity? Identity is your unique self, something that will remain yours for the rest of your life. Who you are and how you think. Your identity consists of many things, like your experiences and what you have learned from them. The things in life that matter to you and how you deal with them. Think of a flower, such as a rose. No two roses are the same, every rose develops from bud to flower in a unique way. The petals are the same for all phases of the rose, but they can look and smell different.


"After my mother told me about the rape, I was angry for a long time. Especially with myself, but also with my mother. And with my father, even though I don't know him. My friends all have ‘normal parents’ and I didn't even have a family I belonged to. I told my mother this. Then my mother told me stories about when she was younger, about her family. Somehow that helped. It helped me feel at home with my mother again. We too have a family."

A 14-year-old girl

Maybe you're afraid that you're just like your father. But this is not the case. Each person has their own identity and this consists of more than the characteristics you inherit from your parents. You are also shaped by important people around you, the things you experience, and your health.

Your background

Adopted children have told us how important it is for them to know where they come from. Many children want to know who their biological parents are, what culture they belong to and why they were adopted. The answer to these important questions can help you form your own identity. Perhaps you would also like to know: where did my father come from, what happened and why? It must be difficult to never to get an answer or only half an answer. Remember that your identity is mainly formed by the part of your history that you do know and not so much by the part you don't know.


Belonging to someone is also important for the formation of an identity. Every person wants to feel connected to one or a few people. The bond with your mother begins when you're still in her belly. You not only have a connection with your mother, but also with other people, such as family members or close friends. The bond you have with others makes you strong in your life. You belong together, but you are still an individual. You can make your own decisions, consider your choices and (learn to) take responsibility.

Standing on your own two feet

Autonomy means ‘standing on you own two feet’. When you are autonomous, you rely on your own thinking and actions. While doing so, you take into account the ideas and wishes of others.

Standing on your own two feet is something you learn over time. When you start doing things more independently, you learn to rely on yourself and your own abilities. And you learn that being connected to others always remains important. This also increases your uniqueness, who you are!